Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
