Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
