Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
