nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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