i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
