if you like me you must not know who I am
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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