She announced her abortion via fbk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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