just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
