Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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