soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
