She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
