Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
