Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
