fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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