a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
