i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
