So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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