Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
