yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Your dad touched me again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
