we have pet lesbian snakes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
