My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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