do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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