By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
