I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
