My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
