I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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