escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
