We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
