My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
