Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
