Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
