So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
