I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
love makes seman taste better
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
