The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
