Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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