The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
