My hand turned me down
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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