You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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