in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
