Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So much rum. So many feels.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
