I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
