Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
