On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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