i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
