cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
