God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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