Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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