But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
