Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
