Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
