tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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