It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
