Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize