Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
