I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
