took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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