just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
