tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
