I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm passing your future prison.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
