Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
