Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
