I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize