Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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