You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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