Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
