Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
