It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
