It's Friday. Sex?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
