i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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