so that wasnt chicken after all
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
