Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
