just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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