to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
