she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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