it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
