Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
