He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
