Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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