just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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