Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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